Getting to Know Juliette
Today I turned a corner with my feelings for Juliette.
I feel I really know my little girl in ways that were hidden a few weeks ago.
At 9-months and three-weeks my baby girl is my special friend.
Juliette laughs loudly with me.
We spend whole days together
We went to the Mall in Columbia, Maryland. My childhood mall.
We found lovely x-mas, all red and velvet, clothes in Nordstrom. I have two red velvet things on hold until tomorrow. Mom can help me chose one or none. I have been to the mall twice in two days. I love the holiday mall.
We had lunch at Nordstrom, Salmon, roasted potatos, and veggies. We had coffee and sweet potato cake for desert.
Walking through the mall we found a most disappointing Santa Claus, he had tiny silver bells tied to the ends of his mustake. Pictures will be taken with a different Santa at a different mall, the White Flint Santa and mall.
Juliette's first Thanksgiving outfit was just okay, not great. I want great for x-mas.
Tomorrow I teach my last class for a 16-week long semester. I started celebrating tonight. Its is over! It is over!
Had to be the worst summer and fall in spots, not all parts, I have known. The letting go of old relationships that no longer functioned, leaving C & M, was hard. Hard to forget the moment we said goodbye, it haunts me still. Our goodbye was, in the end, forced by one angry she was to be left behind. She forced the ending, a bloodly unfair thing, all out resisting the inevitable. So one person of three spoiled all three having a decent farewell, a it has been fun, enjoy your life type ending. One in the three sent all feelings crashing and burning, for a brief moment, creating a hell-like rage, fury. A final act of absolute destruction with forging an alliance with the other one who was also to be dropped. Now, they have each other.
This year I have also known the beginning of a new relationship, a new life, all that is good for me, all that is sunshine, all that is complete, and now closed to outsiders. We are mother and daughter.
I designed an x-mas card starring Juliette. I will pick it up tomorrow.
Merry x-mas to all and to all a good night...
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Juliette's First Snow Day
Today is Juliette's first snow day. So instead of spending the day with Granny in Columbia, Maryland without Me she is spending this day indoors with both Mommy and Daddy.
I moved Juliette's Jumparoo next to a window, a floor-to-ceiling picture window. In front of this window she can spin her cloth sit around and see the winter wonderland, black stick-like trees covered in huge white puffy snow flakes.
Last year on this day, December 5th (2006), I had parathyroid surgery at Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore, Maryland. The surgery was performed by Dr. Daqiw, an Endocrinolgist, Professor and Surgeon. The surgery was very painful, but improved my situation considerably. Within days of the surgery I was eating and drinking some. I was 5-months pregnant with Juliette, however, the main risk of surgery was loss of pregnancy. Nothing was lost.
After surgery, my in-laws called to check on me weekly. I started eating sushi (cooked) regularly and walking to Starbucks after. Then home to bed and cable television. Little did I know, I only had two more months of pregnancy to go. I felt nauseous everyday after surgery and smells, liquids, and food continued to be a problem.
Today, my beautfiul Juliette looks out on the snow and I will soon call Johns Hopkins to see if my class has been offocially cancelled.
A snow day for the Rogers family.
Today is Juliette's first snow day. So instead of spending the day with Granny in Columbia, Maryland without Me she is spending this day indoors with both Mommy and Daddy.
I moved Juliette's Jumparoo next to a window, a floor-to-ceiling picture window. In front of this window she can spin her cloth sit around and see the winter wonderland, black stick-like trees covered in huge white puffy snow flakes.
Last year on this day, December 5th (2006), I had parathyroid surgery at Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore, Maryland. The surgery was performed by Dr. Daqiw, an Endocrinolgist, Professor and Surgeon. The surgery was very painful, but improved my situation considerably. Within days of the surgery I was eating and drinking some. I was 5-months pregnant with Juliette, however, the main risk of surgery was loss of pregnancy. Nothing was lost.
After surgery, my in-laws called to check on me weekly. I started eating sushi (cooked) regularly and walking to Starbucks after. Then home to bed and cable television. Little did I know, I only had two more months of pregnancy to go. I felt nauseous everyday after surgery and smells, liquids, and food continued to be a problem.
Today, my beautfiul Juliette looks out on the snow and I will soon call Johns Hopkins to see if my class has been offocially cancelled.
A snow day for the Rogers family.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Happy Thanksgiving
Juliette spent the day with her Great Grandmother Bammy, Grandmothers Kay and Geraldine, Grandfather Ken, Aunt Maggie, Mommy and Papa in Bethesda, Maryland.
Juliette wore her new Lord & Taylor red and white Holiday outfit and her new patent leather mary janes.
Her Grandfather Ken shared a slide-show he made of Juliette held by various members of her family.
Juliette was the life of the party. The center of our holiday.
Happy first Thanksgiving Juliette!
Juliette spent the day with her Great Grandmother Bammy, Grandmothers Kay and Geraldine, Grandfather Ken, Aunt Maggie, Mommy and Papa in Bethesda, Maryland.
Juliette wore her new Lord & Taylor red and white Holiday outfit and her new patent leather mary janes.
Her Grandfather Ken shared a slide-show he made of Juliette held by various members of her family.
Juliette was the life of the party. The center of our holiday.
Happy first Thanksgiving Juliette!
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Juliette is Changing
Juliette grabs my glasses and pulls.
Julliette grabs her Papa's glasses and pulls.
Juliette grabs the pages of any book I happen to be reading when she thinks she deserves my undivided attention.
Juliette gives me the get-me-out-of-prison stare when I leave her in her crib.
Juliette wants my Precise-Pilot-Rolling-Ball-Fine-Pens and blue 4 X 8 index cards, cell phone, and journal.
Juliette does not want the blinking-light toy, the mirror rattle that plays the "wheels on the bus go round and round" song, the Noukie-Cloth book that makes bird chirping and honk-honk sounds.
Juliette does not want to eat solid food. She would rather taste solid food.
Juliette drinks from large glasses of water with gusto, while gripping the glass with her tiny hands.
Juliette is 16 pounds, up from 2 pounds and x ounces, not bad.
Juliette inspires me to kiss her all over her chubby, spitty cheeks. It is my pleasure.
Juliette's eyes are where the sun and the moon rise and set.
Juliette is the point around which the world turns.
Juliette is my whittle-whittle, my we-we, my winky-dinky.
Juliette is almost 9-months old, two months longer than last winter, when I carried her warmly under my heart, and joyfully entwined with my soul - where she will always be.
Juliette is pretty, smart, and so lovely.
Juliette is my imperial one, my princess, and my Queen.
Juliette is a great teacher, she has taught me that joy has no limits.
Juliette is joy.
Juliette is love.
Juliette is my heart.
Juliette grabs my glasses and pulls.
Julliette grabs her Papa's glasses and pulls.
Juliette grabs the pages of any book I happen to be reading when she thinks she deserves my undivided attention.
Juliette gives me the get-me-out-of-prison stare when I leave her in her crib.
Juliette wants my Precise-Pilot-Rolling-Ball-Fine-Pens and blue 4 X 8 index cards, cell phone, and journal.
Juliette does not want the blinking-light toy, the mirror rattle that plays the "wheels on the bus go round and round" song, the Noukie-Cloth book that makes bird chirping and honk-honk sounds.
Juliette does not want to eat solid food. She would rather taste solid food.
Juliette drinks from large glasses of water with gusto, while gripping the glass with her tiny hands.
Juliette is 16 pounds, up from 2 pounds and x ounces, not bad.
Juliette inspires me to kiss her all over her chubby, spitty cheeks. It is my pleasure.
Juliette's eyes are where the sun and the moon rise and set.
Juliette is the point around which the world turns.
Juliette is my whittle-whittle, my we-we, my winky-dinky.
Juliette is almost 9-months old, two months longer than last winter, when I carried her warmly under my heart, and joyfully entwined with my soul - where she will always be.
Juliette is pretty, smart, and so lovely.
Juliette is my imperial one, my princess, and my Queen.
Juliette is a great teacher, she has taught me that joy has no limits.
Juliette is joy.
Juliette is love.
Juliette is my heart.
Friday, October 26, 2007
Another Rainly Fall Day
Juliette sits on my lap and studies my arm. She likes to dig her little nails into my skin until it hurts. I pull her sharp nails away. She waits and strikes again. Dig, dig, scratch.
It is raining buckets today. It is many shades of gray. It is cold. We have been in the apartment all day. We watched a movie about Marie Antoinette. Why do we like reading about Royal Families, past and present? Royal dream-worlds intoxicate us. We like to watch ordinary, flawed people (chosen by the randomness of birth)in opulent dream worlds.
Juliette is bored with me. I try to entertain her. It is 5:15 PM and I am all out of tricks. I can only place soft, sweet kisses on the pillowy cheeks of my dear sweet Juliette. She cradles my chin in return. We are friends.
Juliette sits on my lap and studies my arm. She likes to dig her little nails into my skin until it hurts. I pull her sharp nails away. She waits and strikes again. Dig, dig, scratch.
It is raining buckets today. It is many shades of gray. It is cold. We have been in the apartment all day. We watched a movie about Marie Antoinette. Why do we like reading about Royal Families, past and present? Royal dream-worlds intoxicate us. We like to watch ordinary, flawed people (chosen by the randomness of birth)in opulent dream worlds.
Juliette is bored with me. I try to entertain her. It is 5:15 PM and I am all out of tricks. I can only place soft, sweet kisses on the pillowy cheeks of my dear sweet Juliette. She cradles my chin in return. We are friends.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Seven Loads of Laundry!
Today I ran from my apartment to the laundry room five times. Once to the lobby to add money to my laundry card. Only once with the baby on my hip with a cart in front.
I had lunch. The baby had lunch. Formula and rice cereal for her. Frozen fried shrimp, miniature quiche and spinach and potatoe pancakes for me.
Then the baby slept in her crib from 1:00 PM to 3:52 PM. The first time she has done this in months and months. I was free to run back and forth, back and forth, and back and forth to the washing machines and dryers. Juliette slept this cloudy, gray, cold, fall day away.
In between running, I looked for homes on the real estate websites Anne and Vivi sent yesterday. They called the listings "Houses for Juliette!" On the Rockville, Potomic websites I found 10 goods homes. On the Silver Spring website I found about 20.
Juliette is 8 months and six days today.
She won't eat solid food from a spoon.
She's growing and she's healthy.
She pulls my glasses off.
She grabs everything in sight, within reach.
She often laughs hard.
Her hair is coming in.
She can sit up and shred magazines and catalogs.
She loves her Rainforest Jumparoo.
She is falling out of love with her Rainforest Bouncy chair and Rainforest swing. She moans and groans a great deal.
She likes the sound of her voice, I think.
She likes the computer keyboard. When I pull her hand away she moans and groans.
Today I ran from my apartment to the laundry room five times. Once to the lobby to add money to my laundry card. Only once with the baby on my hip with a cart in front.
I had lunch. The baby had lunch. Formula and rice cereal for her. Frozen fried shrimp, miniature quiche and spinach and potatoe pancakes for me.
Then the baby slept in her crib from 1:00 PM to 3:52 PM. The first time she has done this in months and months. I was free to run back and forth, back and forth, and back and forth to the washing machines and dryers. Juliette slept this cloudy, gray, cold, fall day away.
In between running, I looked for homes on the real estate websites Anne and Vivi sent yesterday. They called the listings "Houses for Juliette!" On the Rockville, Potomic websites I found 10 goods homes. On the Silver Spring website I found about 20.
Juliette is 8 months and six days today.
She won't eat solid food from a spoon.
She's growing and she's healthy.
She pulls my glasses off.
She grabs everything in sight, within reach.
She often laughs hard.
Her hair is coming in.
She can sit up and shred magazines and catalogs.
She loves her Rainforest Jumparoo.
She is falling out of love with her Rainforest Bouncy chair and Rainforest swing. She moans and groans a great deal.
She likes the sound of her voice, I think.
She likes the computer keyboard. When I pull her hand away she moans and groans.
Monday, October 1, 2007
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Mom called this morning and said she was suffering from SAD.
C. called later and said he was suffering from SAD today.
I am sad. I actually cried to the Enchanted April film score. It was sad and fit the mood of this golden, orange, yellow and brown fall day. I cried because today reminded me of the Fall of 2006 when I was pregnant with my sweet girl, and how the seasons changed as I changed. Then, I wondered what she or he would look like, what Motherhood would feel like. Now I know. Today, I am so completely changed, no longer the person who watched the leaves fall, wondered about Motherhood, felt sick every day, and dreamed about the future.
Today, the weather is beautiful. It is still warm.
It is quiet. The baby dressed in royal blue is sleeping.
Today's schedule:
8:00 AM to 9:00 AM: Feeding
9:00 AM to 10:00 AM: Play
10:00 AM to 12:30 AM: Nap
12:30 PM to 3:15 PM: Play / Feeding
3:15 PM to 4:00 PM: Nap
4:00 PM to Play...
Mom called this morning and said she was suffering from SAD.
C. called later and said he was suffering from SAD today.
I am sad. I actually cried to the Enchanted April film score. It was sad and fit the mood of this golden, orange, yellow and brown fall day. I cried because today reminded me of the Fall of 2006 when I was pregnant with my sweet girl, and how the seasons changed as I changed. Then, I wondered what she or he would look like, what Motherhood would feel like. Now I know. Today, I am so completely changed, no longer the person who watched the leaves fall, wondered about Motherhood, felt sick every day, and dreamed about the future.
Today, the weather is beautiful. It is still warm.
It is quiet. The baby dressed in royal blue is sleeping.
Today's schedule:
8:00 AM to 9:00 AM: Feeding
9:00 AM to 10:00 AM: Play
10:00 AM to 12:30 AM: Nap
12:30 PM to 3:15 PM: Play / Feeding
3:15 PM to 4:00 PM: Nap
4:00 PM to Play...
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